Rhymes Rudely Strung: Government policies Archives

The Lonely Voice by C.J. Dennis

By Perry Middlemiss on March 16, 2013 8:17 AM | No TrackBacks

When opening a recent conference of poultry breeders, the Minister for Agriculture (Mr Hogan) is reported to have said that the only criticism now heard of the Egg Board was that the prices were too high. Whether that was so, he said, was "for egg producers to decide." Evidently the egg consumer, who pays the price, has no voice in the matter.

I'm but a meek consumer

Who likes his breakfast egg;

My "rights" are but a rumour,

Ruth is all I may beg.

I am the hapless victim

Of Bureaucratic czars;

I must accept their dictum

And jest about my scars.

The blows and stripes are all for me,

With none to heed my agony.

I'm but a poor Australian,

Yet I must eat to live.

They ship goods to the alien

At price I'd gladly give;

But when they seek for profit

They sock me in the eye;

For the egg, if I would scoff it,

I'm charged for doubly high,

And, if for cheaper eggs I yearn,

I'm told it isn't my concern.

This morn I asked my grocer,

"Have eggs gone down today?"

He answered glumly, "No, Sir;

There's tuppence more to pay.

Some goes to the producer,

The rest goes to the Board.

But, muffs like you an' me, sir,

Our interests are ignored

Until the basic wage they bump

To catch the cost o' living's jump.

I'm but a meek consumer,

A pawn, a handy peg;

And, in a bitter humor

I pass my breakfast egg.

I almost pass my breakfast,

I haven't any rights,

My fortunes go to wreck fast

Until I dream o' nights

I've sailed afar across the deep

To buy Australian produce cheap.

First published in The Herald, 16 March 1938

Author reference sites: C.J. Dennis, Austlit, Australian Dictionary of Biography, Australian Poetry Library

Irony by J. Braham

By Perry Middlemiss on November 10, 2012 7:59 AM | No TrackBacks

Many members at home, speaking of our national defences, say that Britain is totally unprepared for war, and that some of our most cherished possessions are practically defenceless.

Will your people take our country?

Saod the ptressman to the Jap.

No, we'll not have such effront'ry,

Said the truthful little chap

Not a rumour have I heard;

The idea is too absurd.

You may take my sacred word,

Of its truth there's not a scrap.

You've a fertile land, and healthy,

Said the Consul to the pro.,

With wool, wheat, and gold 'tis wealthy,

As we Japanese well know.

You've strong forts all round your coast,

Of huge ships a mighty host,

And we all should be "on toast"

If we tried to land. Oh, no!

You're a jew'l bright in Britain's crown,

Said the Consul, with a grin.

And who would brave proud England's frown

That precious gem to win.

In security you bask,

Why such foolish questions ask?

You but simply wear a mask,

And to taunt us is a sin.

Many nations look with longing,

Said the little Jap. once more.

With their troops would here be thronging

Could they only get ashore.

Your defences are so sound,

Not a single vantage ground

In Australia can be found:

Why risk shedding useless gore?

First published in Melbourne Punch, 10 November 1910

Author reference sites: Austlit.

The Dream of McHaggis by W.T. Goodge

By Perry Middlemiss on October 18, 2011 7:22 AM | No TrackBacks

McHaggis was a person wise;
   An import merchant who
Embraced his opportunities,
   As most importers do.
A champion he of foreign trade,
   Like others of his school,
Who thought Australian only made
   For growing wheat and wool.

The harvesters which he'd import
   At thirty pounds apiece
Were of the new elastic sort
   Whose values soon increase!
For, when he got them safe ashore,
   Surprising as it sounds,
He'd lose by selling them, he swore,
   At less than sixty pounds!

McHaggis had a dream one night,
   A very horrid dream,
And one that filled his soul with fright
   And made him long to scream.
He dreamt a statesman ruled the land,
   A man of graver kind,
A statesman of high courage and
   Napoleonic mind.

That statesman asked the Parliament
   To say Mac, at the most,
Must sell his goods at ten per cent.
   Above the import cost;
Or else the goods in question would
At once be confiscate,
And that the cute McHaggis should
   Deal fairly with the State!

McHaggis woke! The jarring chord
   He could not straight perceive;
And then he murmured: "Praise the Lord,
   I still have power to thieve!"

     *     *     *     *     *

Oh, gentle reader, do not scoff
   At this wild theme I've found,
For there are any number of
   McHaggises around!

First published in The Bulletin, 18 October 1906

Author reference sites: Austlit, Australian Poetry Library

See also.

Recently in Government policies Category

The Lonely Voice by C.J. Dennis

Irony by J. Braham

The Dream of McHaggis by W.T. Goodge

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