The Boss's Cousin Frum 'Ome by C.J. Dennis

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The boss 'as a relation residin' at the station,
   Come out frum 'Ome about a month ago;
An' of all the 'owlin' swells, an' of all the bloomin' sells
   'E's the biggest that I ever got to know.
'Is moustache an' 'air is sandy, and 'e's sich a blessed dandy;
   'Is trousis!  Lord!  They're like a pair o' bags.
I like to dress up trim, but afore I'd look like 'im
   I'd go rig me persin out in rags.

When first 'e showed 'is 'ead inside the shearin' shed,
   The boys just smiles an' nudged at one another;
But when we seen 'is walk, an' when we 'eard 'im talk,
   Our laughcher was as much as we could smother.
We used to roar with fun, when the Chinese cook -- Ah Wun,
   'Oo in 'is way's a bit of a take-off;
With 'is yeller 'ead on high, an' a 'ap'ny in 'is eye,
   Would strut about an' ape this bloomin' toff.

But it wasn't very long afore we changed our song;
   An' seen the other side o' this 'ere swell.
'Twas along of 'Arry Wright, 'oo is alwa's gittin' tight:
   He's a shearer, an' a fightin' man as well.
He was copped one day last week an' fined afore the beak.
   An' went an' got blind drunk fur consolation --
Got fairly on 'is ear on Casey's fightin' beer,
   An' then came roarin' back into the station.

Then a cheeky young wool-picker, be the name of Billy Dicker,
   Commenced chiakin' Wright an' got 'im riled.
An' quicker'n it's wrote, 'Arry 'ad 'im be the throat,
   An' I thought 'e'd choke the life out o' the child.
We durstn't interfere, fur when 'Arry's on the beer
   'E's a demon; then all at once we 'eard --
"Drop that boy, you cowardly pup!" an' the swell came runnin' up,
   An' was into Wright without another word.

We reckoned 'e'd be killed, fur 'e didn't seem the build
   To stand a round with such a man as Wright;
But talk of a surpise, you might think I'm tellin' lies,
   But I never seen a more one-sided fight.
'E went fur Wright an' bashed 'im; 'pon me oath 'e fairly smashed 'im;
   I reely thought 'e'd break 'is bloomin' neck;
Then with a final clout, 'e fairly laid 'im out,
   An' left 'im on the ground a bleedin' wreck.

So 'ere's to this relation residin' at the station,
   With 'is collar, eye-glass, stick, an' pants so neat;
Fur of all the 'owlin's swells, an' of all the bloomin' sells,
   'E's the biggest thet I ever chanced to meet.

First published in The Critic, 12 March 1898

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This page contains a single entry by Perry Middlemiss published on March 12, 2013 6:53 AM.

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