The Cosinic Curve by C.J. Dennis

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Professor H. Priestley, of Sydney University, declares that there is much undernourishment among Sydney girls because of "slimming."  "Better," he says, "have curves and good health than no curves and bad health."

Callithumpus Kevin Kerr was a young astronomer,
   Rich and handsome, eligible, sound and single,
Somewhat absent as to mind, and peculiarly inclined
   To allow his love quest and his work to mingle.
"Jupiter," said he, "and Mars, all fixed and unfixed stars
   And their orbits mid the circular have tarried;
There is nothing straight nor square in the heavens anywhere --
   Which reminds me, I should think of getting married."

Clementina Mumphin-Moore was a modern girl who wore
   Slinky frocks, and her slimming concentrated.
Thus, her health was far from good; but Matilda Mabel Wood
   Was circular in shape -- cats said "inflated."
Both these girls, the thick and thin, were most interested in
   Callithumpus Kevin Kerr, who so austerely
Walked with face turned to the sky; each one rolled a roguish eye
   "With view above," for each one loved him dearly.

Callithumpus Kerr one day went a-mumbling on his way,
   And both maids watched him as he conned his table:
"Jupiter, the Moon and Mars, all the fixed and unfixed stars
   Are circular in shape -- why, hello, Mabel!"
Clementina, oh, so slim, was invisible to him.
   But he gazed at Mabel as he thought of Saturn.
Then he said, quite suddenly, "Mabel!  Will you marry me?
   For an astronomer you're just the pattern."

Thro' a crevice in the floor Clementina Mumphin-Moore
   Slipped; and no one ever heard of her thereafter.
Mabel wed her clever Kerr, and their home, so friends aver,
   Is a place of curves and meals and happy laughter.
Girls!  Be warned in time; because certain universal laws
   Rule creation, and you may not monkey with 'em.
Mould yourselves upon old mars and the fixed and unfixed stars,
   For slim and slinky girls "ain't got no rhythm."

First published in The Herald, 20 November 1935

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This page contains a single entry by Perry Middlemiss published on November 20, 2013 7:24 AM.

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