Soft Soap for Ladies by C.J. Dennis

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Mr. A. Robinson, referring to the proposed scheme of amalgamation of the various Liberal leagues in Victoria, said it was a matter that needed careful consideration. To bring women into an organisation which should consist of men only, might have the effect of seriously impairing it.  Women did the best work when they were left alone. With a joint committee there was not the same efficiency as with separate committees.  For the past seven years the Women's National League had held the field. - Daily paper.

Dear ladies, I implore you, for your own sake [and for ours],
   Do not seek amalgamation with us men;
In the past you have been peerless,
And your methods, strong and fearless,
   Still compel our admiration, now as then.
Our courage is as strong as in the past [or nearly so];
   And, as yet, we do not fear to stand alone;
But you still may aid us greatly
By-er-canvassing, as lately,
   And, pray, let us do the rest upon our own.

[Good Lord!  We can't allow these cats to interfere with us!
They're hard enough to manage where they are, with all their fuss.
At rounding up the snobbish vote they're quite a useful lot;
But, admit 'em to our inner councils? Whew! I reckon not!]

For many years, dear ladies, we've done nothing but admire
   Your drawing-room assemblies and your teas.
You've a gift for organising,
And your canvassing's surprising -
   Mere men possess no qualities like these.
Your knowledge of political economy is great;
   Your arguments, advanced as they can be.
Do not think we would resist you,
Nay, we're anxious to assist you
   At your meetings by-er-passing cakes and tea.

[Whew!  I hope that we can choke them off their latest little scheme,
If they knew our inmost secrets they'd get on the chairs and scream.
They'd simply kill the Party - such a wild, erratic mob.
What would they think it they knew, say, of Smithson's little job!]

I earnestly assure you, you can aid us men-folk best
   By remaining in a body as you are,
In the interests of the nation;
For, I think association
   With the men, on finer minds, is apt to jar.
There are certain little matters - oh, not secrets!
         Dear me, no.
   You're acquainted with our e'vry aim and act -
But-er-certain little matters
That would wear your nerves to tatters
   If you had to grapple with-er-sordid fact.

[Jee-rusalem! I hope I can persuade 'em to keep out!
What sort of Party meetings would we have with them about?
Best prime 'em up with Busted Homes and Shattered Marriage Ties.
They're keen on propagating such old, crusted Tory lies.]

Dear ladies, you have always been the Labor party's dread;
   It fears you as it fears no other thing.
All our wrongs will soon be righted,
If you stand firm and united,
   And to the Sacred Truth,as ever, cling.
Remember, Socialism is a monster in disguise,
   Which seeks to legislate for class alone.
But your association
Stands for all the blessed nation
   And the people's good - which means -er- means our own.

[I'd like to know who started this amalgamation craze;
They certainly are useful in a hundred little ways;
But a pack of foolish cacklers at our councils!  Goodness me!
Why, there wouldn't be a Party if they knew as much as we.]

First published in The Bulletin, 24 August 1911

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This page contains a single entry by Perry Middlemiss published on August 24, 2013 8:34 AM.

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