Mary Jane by C.J. Dennis

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A house maid and a general servant are to broadcast from a London wireless station giving their opinion of mistresses. - Cable

So I sez to 'er, "Followers? Certainly not!
   Why should you suspect I 'ad somebody 'ere?"
An' me notice I give to 'er there on the spot.
   'Er torkin' to me! Why the very idear!
"An' I dunno where yesterday's mutton 'as gone."
   I sez to 'er: "Nor -- wot is more -- do I care."
'Er torking to me of such carryin's on!
   An' that's ow it 'appened I 'ad to leave there.

The next one, I sez to 'er, "Breakages? Wot?
   Why the rotten ole thing came apart in me 'and!"
(An' me notice I give to 'er there on the spot.)
   "An' I never," I sez to 'er, "could understand
The common ole crockery some people keep."
   I sez to 'er, 'aughty, me nose in the air,
"It's wot I ain't used to, nor 'ouses so cheap."
   An' that's ow it 'appened I 'ad to leave there.

An' the next an' the next, an' the one after that,
   An' the next an' the next an' the next;
An' the next an' the next was a crank or a cat,
   Or something or other to make a girl vexed.
An' one who could gabble on end for a week,
   Took reel mean advantage when I paused for air;
An' she gave me my notice before I could speak,
   An' that's 'ow it 'appened I 'ad to leave there.

They're all of a pattern; an' I've knowed a lot,
   For misuses alwiz is misuses still.
Lest you up an' give notice right smart on the spot,
   They'll put it upon you, the best of 'em will.
Glory be! I ain't one to go startin' a row;
   But all of 'em's touchy an' few of 'em's fair.
But I know wot I'll say to the one I got now,
   When it 'append, as will, that I 'ave to leave there.
First published in The Herald, 11 January 1930

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This page contains a single entry by Perry Middlemiss published on January 11, 2013 4:27 PM.

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