Bullocky Bill's Experience by Allan F. Wilson

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I was a careless countryman,
   Just fresh from out the scrub,
Until I was induced to join
   The new athletic club,
Which I reckon quite suffices
   To explain the reason why
I wears a plaster on my cheek,
   A beefsteak on my eye.

The first time I attended
   I was standing at the bar,
And watching what the "fancy" term
   An "amicable spar."
When someone jogged my elbow,
   And a bull-necked kind of chap
Proposed that he and I should have
   A friendly little "scrap."

I'd no kind friend to warn me,
   So incautiously consented.
I never yet did aught that I
   So fervently repented.
I hear him say, "Put up your 'ands!"
   And then I knew no more,
But when I came to life I was
   A-weltering in my gore.

How often have I wished that I
   Had left that club alone.
My head feels like a pumpkin,
   I've an ache in every bone.
My nose is broke, my teeth are loose,
   And I can scarcely see.
I pass: I'm off this game -- no more
   Athletic clubs for me.

No, nevermore I'll pass that door --
   That is, if I survive;
To-morrow I withdraw my name
   If I am still alive.
In this here role of chopping-block
   I fail to see the fun.
I've had my share, henceforth I swear
   Athletic clubs I'll shun.

Oh, if a kindly Providence
   Would gratify my whim,
I'd love to yoke the bull-necked chap,
   And drop the thing on him.
I'd pay him back with interest
   For what he's done to me;
I'd teach him what bull-punchin' means,
   I'm game to guarantee.

If I but had him in the team,
    His neck beneath the yoke,
He'd find old Bill can still infuse
   Some strength into his stroke.
And when his tender cuticle
   Began to chip and fly,
He'd p'raps repent the monument when
   he popped me in the eye.

Ah, well, who knows? Some day, perhaps
   (Heaven send it may come true),
He'll come a-moochin' round the bush
   In search of work to do.
And if it should be my good luck
   To drop across him there,
I'll bet a merry quid I'd find
   Some way of getting square.

First published in Melbourne Punch, 11 December 1906

Author reference site: Austlit

See also.

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This page contains a single entry by Perry Middlemiss published on December 11, 2012 8:43 AM.

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