Poem: The Villian by Eardley Turner

"This wheeze, my boy," the boss had said,
   "Will get the biggest laugh
That ever yet was credited
   A mummer. I don't chaff --
No matter what has gone before,
The audience will scream and roar!"

The first night of the panto. came,
   My brother-comics I
Looked on with scorn; I meant to shame
   Their efforts by-and-by.
Scene 4 -- remember, if you please,
Was where I had to work the "wheeze."

The moment came! I cracked the joke
   Then waited for the scream;
But ne'er a sound the silence broke --
   It seemed a ghastly dream.
I woke up when, instead of cheers,
Hisses and hoots assailed my ears!

Hisses and hoots! I left the stage,
   Looking and feeling blue;
The prompter, eager to assuage
   My grief, said: "Thought yer knew,
That other bloomin' comic, he
Cracked that before yer in Scene 3!"

 First published in The Bulletin, 17 November 1910