Works in the Herald 1935

For the sake of this State's cultural life something must be done, and soon, to improve conditions in our starved University. But, for the present, it would seem that the Government's whole energies are engaged by more vital and serious issues.

Book-learnin', eh!  Culcher?  Well, I dunno.
   I have no doubt it's all right in its place --
A bit of frill for them wot 'as the dough;
   But where's it git yeh to, in any case?
I ain't no schollard; all me culchured air
   'As been picked up thro' nosin' round a bit.
Snoopin', an' list'nin' 'ere, an' list'nin' there
   So an an' ceterer ad infinit'.

Yeh see, I got the style the way I speak;
   Likewise I got the gance.  That's wot appeals
An' Latin never got me that, nor Greek,
   But jist a gift for dishin' blokes in deals.
Thirty odd thousan'!  But the coots 'oo'd waste
   Good cash on universities I doubt
Could make ten quid.  But each one to 'is taste;
   Or, as the French sez, " "Chaysong eysong gout."

Undubitably culcher's very nice;
   But I don't pay not tax for 'ighbrow schools!
Filchin' the public fun's becomes a vice
   When used to edjicate penorous fools.
That's wot I tells me sons when they plagues me
   For more book-learnin' -- ologies an' fuss:
It's cash, not culcher, conquers.  Look at me!
   Pater familiar's no ignoramus.

Indoubtably, I say when I git sent --
   As I 'ave every right to 'ope to be --
In the near fucher into Parliament
   Them there perfessers gits no change from me.
Per-fessers!  Nice soft jobs they got, no doubt;
   'Orse-sense, not ologies, is wot I speak.
Let 'em be self-supportin', or git out!...
   So we'll adjourn sign die till Choosd'y week.

Herald, 28 November 1935, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2004-07