Works in the Herald 1935

At a cost of 40,000, Melbourne University proposes soon to put in hand a scheme having for its objective character-building in students.

"Forty thousan' poun'?" said Mary Jane.
   "Jist for buildin' character?  Ree-dicalous?
Remines me of that orful time again
   When I was parler maid to Mrs Nicholas.
Sich a puffick lady -- I don't think.
Ups an' sacks me when she's deep in drink --
   Sacks me 'cos I lets a bottle fall;
   An' she won't give me no character at all.
            Sich a lady!
   'Cos it's broke, I gits no character at all.

"An' there was I without a blussed character.
   (I 'ad lost them other re'rences I 'ad)
An' a girl can't git a job without a character.
   Especially when times is pretty bad.
Then I met with Mabel Smith --
'Er I uster room it with
   When we worked together in a lolly shop.
An', 'Mary Jane Green,'
She sez, 'where 'ave you been
   That you never 'eard of Mr Blenkinsop?'
            Sez Mabel Smith.
   So we waltzes straight to Mr Blenkinsop.

"Forty thousan' poun'?  I never 'eard
   Sich nonsense -- jist for buildin' up a character.
When Mrs Nicholas give me the bird
   An' sacks me on the spot because I barracked 'er.
Did I 'ave the forty thousan'?  Wot a flop! . . . 
So we goes an' sees this Mr Blenkinsop,
   A puffick gent, altho' 'e did look queer.
   Sez 'e, 'Wot can I do for you, me dear?'
            (So ejicated!)
   Then Mabel ups an' whispers in 'is ear.

"Then 'e builds me up a reely lovely character.
   'And-writtin'?  It was wunnerful to see.
'E done me five, all differint in character.
   'For there's nothink like variety,' sez 'e.
Differint writin' every one!
An' the things 'e said I'd done.
   But d'yeh think 'e charged me, when 'e come to stop,
Any forty thousan' quid?
Betcher life 'e never did.
   ''Arf a crown's the charge,' sez Mr Blenkinsop,
            'A sprat a-piece.'
   So I lobs a job thro' Mr Blenkinsop."

Herald, 16 November 1935, p4

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2005