Works in the Herald 1935

A doctor says that, owing to the persistently humid weather conditions prevailing since summer set in, persons with respiratory troubles have been greatly burdened.

Yes, it's tryin', Mrs Gudgits.  Very tryin', as you say.
To 'ave a 'usban' on yer 'an's not only night but day.
An' so I can't go out with you, much as I wisht I could;
For me Jack is in there, gaspin' an' 'e's feelin' none too good.
With 'is "'Ack! 'Ack! 'Ack!"  Lor!  I bangs 'im on the back
An' 'e curses me a treat for my stoopidity.
"'It a man," 'e sez, "wot's sick!"  Oh 'is temper's awful quick,
An' it ain't so much the 'eat as this youmidity.

Oh, I tries to in-ter-est 'im in the topics of the day,
An' I reads 'im from the noos wot Musserlini 'as to say
But 'e sez, "If Musserlini 'ad me bronkil choobs an' chest,
'E'd 'ave somethink else to think about, an' give 'is was a rest."
Then it's, "'Ack! 'Ack! 'Ack!" till 'is face is nearly black,
But 'e manidges to say, with much acidity,
"Blowin' peaceful blokes to death -- "Then 'e stops fer want a' breath.
An' it ain't so much the 'eat as this youmidity.

Then I reads the weather forecask - all about the low an' 'igh,
An 'ow they sez most like the change is passin' Melbun by
But 'e ups an' calls 'em liars, an' 'e starts to rave an' curse.
Sez I read that bit a-purpis for to try an' make 'im worse.
Then it's "'Ack! 'Ack! 'Ack!"  But, if I creeeps to the back,
'E recovers with remarkable rapidity.
An' 'e yells, "'Ere! where ya goin'?  Don't you leave a man alone!"
An' it ain't so much the 'eat as this youmidity.

Yes; a woman must 'ave patience, Mrs Gudgits, as you say.
An' I knows without your 'intin', mum, that it's my turn to pay.
So you needn't cast nasturtiums; very gladly would I shout,
But, with a 'usban' like 'e is --  well, 'ow can I git out?
Listen: "'Ack! 'Ack! 'Ack!"  Yeh needn't yell.  I'm comin', Jack!
There, Mrs Gudgits.  That's the chief awkwidity:
Day an' night I must stop in; an' I do so miss me gin --
Not so much because of 'eat as this youmidity.

Herald, 11 December 1935, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2005