Melbourne civic authorities seem to be greatly disgruntled -- not to say chagrined -- about some floral window boxes which seek to lend a little vernal gaiety to Collins Street. It is alleged that they encroach a few inches over the footpath, and the removal of the "obstruction" is demanded.
I walked out with an alderman, all on a bright spring day. He was an august alderman, and much had he to say Of roads and drains and bridges .... Then, as he pulled up short, His veins stood out in ridges, his breath fled with a snort. Then anger aldermanic came as the tempest comes; His aspect grew satanic, his eyes stuck out like plums; And, as it rent asunder the ambient atmosphere, Rolled detonating thunder of civic wrath severe: -- "Tear down them antirrhium! Tear down them columbine! Or else, by gum, we'll fine 'em. We'll mulct in a fine! I won't have antirrhinum! To Tophet I consign 'em! Surveyors can't align 'em plumb with our buildin' line!" (They were begonias truly; but that did not unduly Affect his wrath unruly. The darn things weren't in line.) "A blot on civic beauty! The Mayor must do his jooty, An' have them antirrhinum abolished, or resign!" Then, as his rage he swallowed, and joined the traffic's stream, I diffidently followed, and sought to change the theme. "Think you the vernal season," quoth I, "grows subtly sweet?" Said he: "That ain't no reason for shovin' in the street Them bloomin' antirrhinum three inches off the line. Our officers must fine 'em. It's breakin' Bylaw nine, Part seven. Schedule thirty. Clause eight in Section A." He really seemed quite shirty; and so I sneaked away.) But still, o'er traffic crashes, I heard his strident tones "Them antirrhinum clashes with our pretty safety zones! Calliopsis an' eschscholtzia! In streets where soft trams roll! It's a pitcher that revolts yeh, if yeh got a civic soul! . . ." And then his fuming faded; faint and far it died away. 'Pon my word, I felt quite jaded; I'd had a trying day. And, tho' it seem splenetic, from this truth I may not shrink Aldermen are NOT aesthetic. Not so very -- do you think?
|Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2005|