Works in the Herald 1931

I think I mentioned before that if democracy prevails till he is a man, my young friend, Bobby J. is destined to have a brilliant commercial career. Indeed, he is assured of material success under any social system or form of government for he is of a type which, fortunate or unfortunate, makes its own opportunities and has its eye fixed eternally on the main chance.

Quite early in life he will be marked out by that peculiar mass prophecy which automatically selects the "coming man" who is "bound to succeed."

His acquisition of a bicycle, earned with a series of unique centenary articles on the history of our State will perhaps be remembered. In his later correspondence I have sensed a vague nosing about for further opportunities for profit.

In his latest letter, the jubilant note, ingeniously camouflaged under an assumption of gloom, told me that he had at last hit upon a plan to make duty the slave of his desire and snatch profit from the reluctant hands of destiny.

"Dear Uncle (he writes). Thank you very much for the bicicle tube. It was a great surprise to me to get it specially when I told you how my mother said you were not to be asked to send it so I never did.

"But now I got it of course it would be very rude of me to send it back because we are taught always to be polite to everybody even to our relations so thats what I am and even if it is not such a good tube as the other brand I should be very thankful for it which I am.

"So now I can ride my bicicle about all over the shop instead of listening to my old wireless which is prak - praktickly bust - burst account of how it is an old battery set nearly wore out with no volume at all.

"And when I spoke to my father about how it wont come out real loud he said that was his ideel of a wireless so long as it gave him the crect time.

"And when I spoke to my father about some very cheap parts what I could build a real loud electric set he said at first it might be a good idear to get them and keep me quiet for a few days.

"So there's a nice sort of father for you. And then him telling me to save up for it out of my own pocket money which is just a measly sixpence a week for messages and lorns and things.

"I think sometimes that very likely my father is a pretty unsyn - unsimpythetic parent.

"And now dear uncle what do you think. Amongst all my other troubles they have gone and put more work on us at our school and none of us boys cane see the sence in it.

"Once a week about our teacher reads us a play by a Mr Shakespere. He does not read the real truly play but only a short resumy of it out of a book called Lamb's Tails.

"Well that made us all laufgh when we furst heard it and we called it the Lamb's tail lesson. But we did not laughf any more when teacher said that in our home work we would have to write out our own version of the play and make remarks on it. And all on top of sums and things.

"I would not of minded if they was stories like the Deadshot Dick sereys what my father went and took away from me, but this Mr Shakespere is a pretty dull sort of a man who does not write very good English and if there is any nice or interesting persons in his plays like Miss Julia Montagu or Mr Mick Curio he goes and gets them poisoned or stabbed or something before the end. And then he saves trouble by filling up his plays with common old sayings like a rose with any other name would smell the same way and other bits that I knew about since I was a kid pretty well.

"And now, uncle, I bet you would never gess what idear came to me when I started to do my first Lamb's Tail home lesson.

"I thought to myself that if I just slip a peace of carbin paper under it I will have two (2) copies and then I can send uncle one and praps he might like to use it in his bits in the paper so I done that.

"I have got one (1) carbin copy now of a play called Romeo and Julia pretty sloppy it is and a bit sad but some people might like it.

"And now please uncle I do not want a single penny or anything for these copies. I only thought they just might be useful. So when you write tell me if you want them please uncle but if you was to offer me a million pounds I would not take it because I do not believe my mother was right to say you were a good-natured duffer when -

"Please uncle I did not mean to write that bit, it just slipped in and I have lost my in razer so it will have to stay but please I do not bleve one word of it.

"So if you want the peaces I wrote free gratus plese let me know soon.

"Your loving nephew
Bobby J."

P.S. - Just in case you might be intrested in wireless I mentioned I am sending inside a peace what shows the parts and price and every thing. But please send it back because in sevral years time I might be able to afford a set like that. - B.J.

Bobby wins. I wrote making a bargain with him.

Herald, 26 April 1934, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2003