Dear Uncle (writes my youthful friend, Bobby J.): If it is all the same to you I think perhaps it might be a pretty good thing to knock off these pieces by Shakespeare.
Because, uncle, this Mr Shakespeare might have been a pretty good play-writer like people say, but I donít think he would have made much money writing for the films. He takes an awful long time to get to the exciting bits, and then they havenít got any detectifs or master criminals in them, nor nothing unless I put them in myself.
So please, uncle, I think perhaps I will only do two or three more, and the one I am going to do now is one that I call
The Bedroom Merder
Bobby J. and Mr Shakespeare
Well, it seems that once there was a bit of a stuck-up flapper called Desdimoner, who liked herself so much that she turned up her nose at all the pretty decent fellas who come to see her, and said they was all just a crowd of rough necks. She said all they knew about was football and criket, and they dident have any brains.
So, of course, the fellas just stopped having anything to do with her. Well, she must have got pretty lonely after this, and got knocking about some pretty queer places, because pretty soon she took up with a prize fighter fella named Kid Othelo, who was a black man.
Well, he was a pretty good talker this black feller and he got skiting to Desidomer about all the fights heíd won and how his photo was in the paper and everything, so after he got one of his seconds named Casso to put in a good word for him, what does she do but run away and marry him. I mean Othelo.
Well, Desdimonerís old man was pretty wild when he heard this, so he went and complained about it to Parliament, but the premier said now look here I got this Othela fella backed pretty heavy for the big fight thatís coming on, so donít put him in gaol, but you better have a couple of pound on him instead and keep quiet because some of these prize fighters make a lot of money. So Desdimonerís father says all right, and he did that.
Well Othelo and Desdimoner went away to some other place where the fight was to be, but when they got there they found the other fella had not turned up and the fight was off. So they started going gay and knocking about at parties and things.
Well, Othelo had another second or trainer or something called Iago, who was a pretty nasty piece of work and terrible jelis of Casso. So what does he do but go whispering in Otheloís ear how his wife and Casso was a bit too thick, and how she had given Casso a silk handkerchief that was a wedding present from Othelo, and how they were going to the pictures together and everything.
So after Desidomer had gone to bed one night with a headache Othelo came into the room and said Honey an you been telling me lies bout dat big boy Casso? And when she said Donít be silly Othelo said Baby Ah am gwine make you a cops. And with that he took and put a big pillow over her face and sat on it.
Well, of course Desidomer was a bit too weak to stand much of that, so she died. And it nearly served her right for marrying a black fella.
Well, just as Othelo was straightening up the bed Casso rushed in with his face all bashed in by Iago, and he said excuse me but that bird Iago has been telling you a lot of lies and Iíve got his own letters to prove it.
Well, when Othelo read the letters he said Ah been misinformed. Gee but I got dem bedroom blues! So he just took and killed himself right there alongside Desidomer, and they had a double funeral and saved expense.
Well, thereís nothing much more to tell except the police got a few clues and arested Iago and he was found guilty and strung up, and Casso had to go and look for another job, and thatís that.
|Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2003|