Works in the Herald 1934

From my small friend, Bobby (aged 10), who has relieved me of the rather tedious task of rewriting Victoria's history, I have just received the following screed:-

Dear Uncle (he writes)

I gave me a terrible nice surprise when that bicicle came yesterday and my father says I got to write and thank you very much for sending it and so I do that now.

And then my father says he cant understand what made you send it such a long while in front of my birthday. He says I must of been writing and dropping you broad hints but I never did did I. All I said was that the bicicle was in the Burk Street window in case you thought you would like to go and look at it just for fun.

And that was reely a kind thought for me to have wasent it. Besides I never expected you would go and but it like that for me. I never dreamed you would spend so much money on a little boy like me in spite of all the hard work I have done for you and still a fare bit more to do.

I mean you did give me a reely nice surprise and made me very glad. And I kept on being glad right inside of me till my father said bisiness before pleasure and went and locked the bicicle in the tool shed and said I could have it for my own when I had done all the histry stuff right up to the very end.

But it is my very own bicicle isent it to do just like I like with becos you gave it to me with my name on and everything to do what I like with dident you.

Please write prety soon uncle and give father a good blowing up about it and then he might feel a good bit ashamed and give me back my truly own bicicle becos he doesent seem to know how terrible much I want a bicicle now at once and not later on becos I cant sleep at night for thinking about how I been ronged.

So do please write at once please uncle and roar him up good about interfering with your afares.

Well I am sending some more bits of my histry which I got up at six in the morning to write. And if it is not verry plane or verry long that is simply becos my brain wont work right account of thinking all the time neerly about my bicicle. So this is what I wrote and it would have been a lot better if I could of had my own bicicle to look at while I was writing:-


Well when the land stopped booming in Victoria and people was pretty fed up with everything nobody seemed to know what was the best thing to do next. So some politicians got an idear that it might be well to have a bit more government to keep people from being so fed up and miserable.

So they got some pretty long speeches ready and went about telling the people that if they had a bit of a federation how it would come a lot cheaper in the long run becos it was the same as getting married so that two could live as cheap as one. And a lot of the people said well you cant tell reely of course until you try.

Well my father says that if any married men thought things like that they deserved all the federation they got.

Well there was Me Barton who was Australia's noblest son and there was Mr Reid who had a funny eye-glass and a little dry dog and was exceedingly fat and a lot of other great men like that.

So they made up a question to ask the people which said Are you agreeable to having some federation vote yes or no and if so we will try it becos it must come cheaper in the long run.

And Mr Reid who was a bit of a comic told the people that if they had any doubts about it it would be a good idear to vote yes-no.

And the people laughed so much at that that they forgot to think very hard about federation even when the politicians were not talking and a lot of them said lets give it a spin anyhow if it isent going to cost anything and comes cheaper.

So when they counted up the votes they found that most of the people said yes and in that simple way we got all the federation we wanted and enough to last us serveril years.

Well the first lot of federation happened in Melbourne which made Sydney people a bit jealous but the politicians said just wait till people get a bit used ot it and then we will bild a big city in New South Wales in some quiet place where we can begin to do a bit of thinking.

So that is what was done and they bilt Canbra later on which is what I have to write about in my next bit by which time I am hoping to have my new bicicle to help me.


Herald, 20 February 1934, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002