Works in the Herald 1934

Fourway Farm,
October 11, 1934.

Dear Ab, -

We got your last letter. I dare say you was full of the best of intentions when you went to such trouble to describe the great success so fur of the Melbourne Centenary celebrations. I am sorry, Ab, but you should have your trouble in vain, but we was not very interested in your vivid descriptions as we might have been I other circs.

As loyal and faithful citizens of the Billibilli Shire, we are observing in spirit and in letter the firm resolve of this districk to ignore and boycott said Centenary account of certain slights and indignities put upon us by such city nabobs as thinks they are running the show.

Wot Billibilli says it sticks to. And I was pleased to note, when I was in the town a Tuesday last, that there is no sign of weakening or backsliding on our stern resolve.

One and all, unanimis and without ixception, is resolved to give this here Centenary the frozen mit and the icy eye.

Be that as it may, I thought it was real funny how quiet like the town seemed to be. And then I found nearly all the people I had any business with happened to be missing.

Just a sort of coincidence, I spose; but here’s the Shire secatary had to rush off to town to see a dentist, the Shire president is likewis called there sudden to see about shipping a truck load of spuds to Sydney.

Likewise, the whole of our friends, the Bates fambly, has been called away to the sick-bed of a city aunt what I never heard mentioned before, and a depitation of about 20 leading citizens has found it awful irgint to go down and interview the local member about a bit of road that ain’t been used this 15 year. And they all took their wives.

But it give me great satisfaction to learn from the few stragglers what was left that Billibilli is still solid on this here Centenary strike to a man.

Still, as I say, it was queer. About the only man I could find to have a bit of a yarn with while I was in the town was old Jules Jinkins, the old-age pensioner.

You remember old Jules, Ab. He is just the same – mad, like people say, and full of idears that is fair fantastic.

Well, you know how he is always starting these new societies of his for the good of humanity. Well, having gone a bit too on his skeem for rubber shin pads for steeple chasers, he is now starting a new society called the A.P.S.W., which is short for the Association for the Promotion of Silent Wars.

Jules recons that trying to stop war all on a sudden is a fool idear. It has got to be done graduall step for step. So his first idear is to put silencers on all rifles, artillery, bombs and sargent magers.

After that, Jules says, it ought to be dead easy to intradooce rubber baynits, putty bullits and paper mashey shells. Then, Jules recons, the next move is to abolish bodyline in all war, and you just got it flummixed.

Well, I let him make me a member, and when he put my bob sub with a lot of others he had in his purse he said it was a reel pity about this Centenary, but when he got two more members he reconed he would have to go down to town and have his Association registered.

Well, Ab, I think this is about all the nuews. Your Ma and brother Joe is nicely, and your old man is still managing to hold up the mortgage.

Love from all at home.

Your aff. father.

Herald, 13 October 1934, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2003-04