My Aunt Evangeline has come
   To visit Melbourne town,
Garbed for its Glad Centenary
   In frill and festal gown.
And Aunties says in mincing tones
   As she surveys the scene,
"Quaite pretty work.  But just one touch
Of Ort, Ai think would help so much."
   Says Aunt Evangeline.

"Now, take those sweet Venetian masts,
   Which clowns call 'lolly sticks,'
Some naice ort-muslin maight be used
   In colahs that will mix.
Then what they need is pampas grass
   Dyed pink and puce and green
To stick in those -- ah -- funnel things --
Such deah, sweet memories it brings,"
   Says Aunt Evangeline.


"Crepe papah, swung from pole to pole
   Festooned with Christmas [...]
Maight add a touch of tasteful [...]
   Mai deah, it's taste that [...]
So on these fraightful buildings,
   Paint a pretty watah scene,
With storks and -- ah -- conv[...]
To please ortistic folk laike us.
   Says Aunt Evangeline.

My Aunt Evangeline says, "H'm!
   Theah's something lacking yet --
Something appropriate . . . Of course!
   Whai how could Ai forget?
Ten thousand aspidistra plants --
   So graceful when they're green --
Along those guttahs in the street
And on those pylons.  They'd look sweet!"
   Says Aunt Evangeline.

"Den"
Herald, 28 September 1934, p6

Notes:
This poem is incomplete. I've checked the State Library of Victoria's microfiche and its original paper copy of the Herald issue; I've also checked the clipping held in the McLaren Collection, Baillieu Library, University of Melbourne, and the same problem occurs everywhere. This is one poem I'm going to have to check against the paper's original archives.