Works in the Herald 1934

Fourway Farm,
27th December, 1934.

Dear Ab,

I supose me being a bit of a old fogey ain't ixpected to know nothin' about the advanced manners and customs of the younger generation. And I supose having been honered by your confidence I am now ixpected to offer you my congratulations on your ingagement.

Well to save time you can consider them offered sich as they are. Though between ourselves, Ab, all things considered I reckon there is heaps of time for congratulations yet awhile.

If and when in some dim and distant fucher you stand a reasonable chance of getting tied up in the bonds of matrimuny with this young lady what you once called your girl friend and now call your feeancee, said congratulations may be a bit more heartfelt and corjil.

Not that its got anythin to do with em, because you got a perfick right to tell me it aint me that is marrying the girl. But what I do objeck to is the sudden and off-handed way you spring the news on your ma before either her or me has had a chance to look over our fucher dorter in lor.

You ought to know, Ab, that your ma takes these things a lot more serious than I do, and take it from me, you have hurt her a good bit by this here modrun slapdash style of yours.

What you got to do now, if you want to keep the struggling respeck and shaller rooted admiration of your foolishly indulgent old man, is to sit down right away and write your ma a reel long letter about what little you happen to now about your feeancee.

Never mind her flower-like face and glowing eyes, and sich like parrot palaver. But who and what is her parents, is she a bee or a butterfly, can she cook sow sweep floors wash dishes mend a man's socks, so forth and so forth.

To make it breef, is she a housewife or a hot baby? If the last, you better be careful to keep it from your ma in as many words as possible. Otherwise you will hear things form me that will raise blisters on your vanity.

As for me own feelings, well I gotter own I am still sleeping well and eating hearty.

If I was sich an unnatural father as to tell you candid what is in me own mind I would reveal the brutal truth that any young feller on three ten a week these times what contemplates matrimuny under about ten year had ought to have his brains seen to.

The ixpression two can live as cheap as one is right enough in one manner of speaking, meaning that each one of the two has got to live a darn sight cheaper than they did when they was ones.

Of course I might be barking up the wrong tree account of not having the facks. Maybe you are marrying money and the young lady has a private incum of her own. If so, all I gotter say is its her not you wants their brains seen to.

Be that s it may, you might or might not be able to read between the lines of this letter a foolish desire on the part of a dodderin ole man to see his son fixed happy same as he was in double harness.

When I marrid your ma all I had to me name --

However, things is different these days.

I think that is about all the news this time.

Love from all at home.

Your aff. father.

Herald, 29 December 1934, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2005