Works in the Herald 1932

Two British scientists have discovered a method of keeping fruits by putting them to sleep. This method may be applied to Australian fruits aboard ship.

When grandma wished to keep her fruit
   Her apples she would take
And put them on a bed of straw
   At rest, but wide awake;
But newer days have newer modes,
   And now, that it may keep,
They give an orange opiates
   And sing it off to sleep.

And they're telling bedtime stories to bananas,
   And rocking little raspberries to rest.
They will dope an apple silly,
And it wakes in Piccadilly
   From a beauty sleep that makes it look its best.

It seems a heartless kind of trick
   To play on helpless pears;
To lull them off to slumberland
   And soothe their nervous cares,
Only to wake them up again,
   Weeks after, on a plate,
On the day of execution
   To announce their cruel fate.

But they're telling bedtime stories to bananas,
   And putting plums to by-by on a ship,
And they never have a notion
They have been across the ocean,
   So they even miss the pleasure of the trip.

Herald, 5 March 1932

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002