Works in the Herald 1931
(With limited apologies to G.K.C.)

Despite the Fords officials' denial today that the Ford operations in Brazil are to cease, if it is not denied that Mr Ford, as reported yesterday, has found he is unable to combat the antagonism of the natives to his efficiency methods, made popular in Detroit.

The heathen's not efficient;
   He sits down in the sun
And doesn't care a tuppn'y dump
   When the day's work's begun.
He works to eat and eats to live,
   All day he'll dance and sing;
And if you mention overtime
   He laughs like anything.

But we are most efficient! And, goodness! Look at us! Our nights are filled with restless dreams, Our days with fret and fuss. And we can have depressions And modern things like that, And monoplanes and motor cars And trousers and a hat.
The heathen's not efficient; He does not value gold; And when we'd teach him of its worth He simply won't be told. He'll hang gold coins about his neck For foolish ornament, While half a bread-fruit or a ham Bring him complete content.
Oh, we are most efficient; We'd pile up heaps of gold And leave it to ungrateful heirs When we descend to mould. But the heathen's not efficient; He is lazy, free, unkempt, And from the highly civilized Earns nothing but contempt.

Herald, 4 February 1931, p8

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002