Works in the Herald 1922

Victoria's Agent-General, Mr McWhae, says that if ever we are to win our way in the fruit markets of the world we must stop the exportation of inferior fruit.

I'm only a speckled apricot,
   But they passed me at the docks.
And they said, "He'll do -- he ain't too new,
   But he'll help to fill the box."
So they sent me out on the bounding sea,
   Food for the friend, and alien --
And they said, "Look here, you make it clear
   You're dinkum, and Australian."

Well, I did my best to pass the test.
   Me! that was just a runt.
And a Turkey fig says to me, "Dig,
   You goin' to the front?"
And I answered, "Yes; I must confess
   My figure ain't allurin',
But I'm an Aussie apricot,
   And, lad, we're all endurin' --

And when I came to a British dame
   In a poor fruit pedlar's basket.
She said: "What!  That!"  And he raised his hat,
   And he said, "How can you ask it?
It comes from far Australia, mum,
   Where fruits is pretty rotten."
So I went in to a rubbish tin,
   And, henceforth, was forgotten.

But I sends a wave from me lonely grave,
   And I asks you is it fair
That blokes like me should have to be
   Advertisements out there?
No!  Send the best!  For that's the test:
   I've done what I could do. 
But can't you send some better friend
   As representing YOU?"

The Mooch of Life
Herald, 8 June 1922, p6

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2003-06