Works in the Bulletin 1910

In referring to the new Westralian loan, Mr. George Reid said that Australia, if put to it, could find her own money for all her needs; but the more British capital was converted into Australian securities the better for the British capitalist, Australia and the Empire. - Cable.

Now the Wobble went out on the roaring tide,
With a dry dog trotting along by its side;
Went over the sea - and I vow right here
That the Wobble went out with its views as clear
As ever the views of a Wobble could be;
And the Wobble went out and over the sea.

Went over the sea for to represent The folk of our island continent; Went over to England where dukes and lords, And princes, and barons, and earls in hordes, And bankers, and boodlers, and scores of Jews Were burning to hear of Australia's views.
0, the Wobble went over to advertise (For it was a Wobble of goodly size) The things that we grow and the things that we breed - Our eggs and our bacon and butter and seed, The health of our air and the worth of our earth - (For it was a Wobble of generous girth) - And it's quite a true saying, as ev'ryone knows, A Wobble's a Wobble wherever it goes.
The Wobble went forth from its native land, And when they espied it adrift on the Strand All the American tourists laff't: "Why, if that ain't the double of our old TAFT!" And when it appeared later on in The Row, All the duchiest duchesses viewed the show, And they said: "There is nothing can advertise A country so well as a Wobble of size."
And they asked it along for a feed and a swill, And a talk after dinner, as Englishmen will, And there's nothing on earth like a gabble and gobble Appeals to a healthy and well-bred Wobble. And when it arose at the festive board The barons and aldermen loudly roared. With the dukes and the generals, "That's the bloke! That's the famous and only Australian Joke!
"It's the Globular Jest with the Monocled Eye That makes the Australians 1augh till they cry The bankers and boodlers and Park Lane Jews Wept great, glad teara in the jellies and stews; The Lord High Chancellor spllt his vest, While the baronets, admirals, peers and the rest Agreed with the bishops and Irish M.P.'s That no funnier Wobble came over the seas.
The Wobble gazed solemnly round the board, While England's nobility shouted and roared But it didn't enlarge on the things that we grow Or the things that we breed or we dig, 0 no; But it struck a delightfully humorous note As it dealt with the things we, at intervals, float. And it gravely declared that, as ev'ryone knows, A feller's far better without any clothes.
"For a man," said the Wobble, "that uses his cash For his personal needs is exceedingly rash. He should gather his money and bury it in A bit of old bagging or kerosene tin At the end of the garden, then hasten to pop His garments and things at his relative's shop. He should hurry to Uncle and cheerfully float A loan on his boots and his hat and his coat.
"And when you have blewed all that little advance Don't dig up your money - not by any chance; But pawn your etceteras, weskit and socks, And the spare shirt and collars you keep on the box; For it's better for Uncle and better for you, And better by far for the little ones too. And the whole darn family's more content When the wardrobe is soaking at four per cent."
O, every baton and duke and lord He clung to the table and shrieked and roared; And the Lord Chief Justice was heard to declare That a Wobble so droll was exceedingly rare; And all the financiers, COHEN and MOSES, Laughed till the tears trickled over their noses; And ev'ryone shouted, with hearty "Ho, ho's," "Just fancy a Wobble without any clothes!"
The Baron of Bath threw a fit, and his Grace The Bishop of Brixton went black to the face. And I put it to you, as a man to a man: Do you honestly think that Australia can Ever hope to be blessed with another such prize As a humorous Wobble to advertise? For it's quite a true saying, as ev'ryone knows, A Wobble's a Wobble wherever it goes.

The Bulletin, 23 June 1910, p7

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002