Works in the Bulletin 1909

(For the music-hall stage.)

Sing a song o' Hempire
   Mother's took a fit,
Nasty Germans buildin' ships,
   An' never mentioned it.
Buildin' beastly warships,
   Quite a tidy few;
Mother's got an awful start
   Baby's got it too.

The King was in the Customs House, But couldn't find a penny ; The Lords were at their country seats And didn't offer any; A millyun paupers mooned about With nothin' much to eat, When down comes Australyer With a Dreadnought fer the fleet.
Sing a song o' Warships, 'Orrid ole Bulow, Layin' down 'is Dreadnoughts An' didn't let us know - Didn't advertise it, Till the Cablegram Spread the awful tidings An' the Empire shouted, "Damn!"
Sing a song o' Hempire, Mother's up a tree; But the Melbourne Stock exchange 'As swore to set 'er free. Does the German caitiff Build upon the sly? Then seventeen suburban may'rs Will know the reason why!
Seventeen suburban may'rs Of the Bulldog Breed Fly to succor Hingland In her hour of need. What of "Constant Reader"? "Pro Bono Publico"? Will "Subscriber" see old Hingland Flabbergasted? No!!
A reeiy, trooly battleship, With guns an' things galore, And splendid sails of calico From MacMillan's store - The Stock Exchange will float it On a sea of gush. Wot's two millyun quid to us? We don't care a rush!
(But - whisper - little mother, If, later on, some day, We want ter sorter float a loan, To 'elp us on our way- Borrer of it back, like - After wot 'as passed, Don't you go an' crool our pitch, Like you did the last.)
Sing a song o' Britain's fleet ('Ow the Tories raged!) That's goin' to guard Australyer (If not otherwise engaged). Sing of 'Umpty Dumpty - 'Im that 'ad the fall. Rob Australian Peter To pay old Hinglish Paul.
Sing o' topsy-turvey; Sing of inside-out, Of back-to-front and upside-down An' t'other way about. Spend ten bloomin' millyun, Buy yer ships galore, An' send them all to Hingland To guard Australyer's shore.
Sing a song o' Hempire! We've got ter guard "the heart." If it gets a limb lopped off, That ain't a vital part. Learn ter think Imperially Shriek with courage grim Fer "the heart" must be protected - Tho' it's tough if we're the limb.

The Bulletin, 1 April 1909, p9

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002