Works in the Bulletin 1914

Mr. Holman: Would the funds now used for construction be diverted to conversion?
Mr. Cook: No; conversion would not interfere with internal development.
Mr Griffith (jocularly): If it's a proposal to spend money, I am with you. (Laughter.)
- Report of the Uniform Railway Gauge discussion at the Premiers' Conference.

Washer gooder bein' mean -
   Pilin' up the gilt?
'Oardin' ev'ry bleshid bean?
   That ain't 'ow I'm built.
Ev'ry bloke 'as gotter go
   Bender now an' 'en.
Make sher pop(hic)ler, yeh know.

I'm er bloke 'at knows er way Maker quids go round! Lash it up when I go gay! Washer mill'n pound? 'Its it up red-'ot, I do; Spen's me money free; Shouts for ev'ryborry 'oo Wansher drink with me.
When they comes to breash the trough They ses, "'E ain't proud. Spen's 'is money like er toff; Shoush for all the crowd. 'E's er sorter bloke for us! Treats us all eround. Easher gooder maker fuss? Washer mill'n pound?"
Lishen 'ere a arf a mo; Wanter tellyer thish - Just between ourshelves, yeh know - Lirrle secret - Ssh! Gotter nuncle....'Eaps er quids.... Tons er quids 'e's hot.... Diddenknow I 'ad some Yids For relashuns? Wot?
When I wanter bitter cash - Mill'n - two er three, Just to maker lirrle splash 'Mongsh er boys....Yeh shee? For the shop I do a duck Where ole Nunky lurksh: "Wanner buy shum reprod-uc (hic)-productive worksh.
"'Ow's er money market. Nunk? All me larsh is shpent. 'And ush out a mill'n plunk. Don't care wot p'shemt! Gotter good security - 'Ole er Noo Sou' Wailsh!" Uncle's drefful good to me; 'Ardly ever fails.
When I gets er lirrle loan - Whoop! I hitsh it up! Anyborry think I own Winner Melbun Cup! Plenny more when tha'sh all (hic) All (hic) (Shoose me) shpent. Uncle gives me 'eaps er tick - Fourer five p'shent.
S'pose yeh wunner w'y I'm flush ('Ave annurrer beer). Tell yeh lirrle secret. Ush! Wishper in yer ear.... I don't 'ave to pay it back! Don't belong to me. When the crowd give me the sack. Nexh bloke worries - Shee?
Forty, fif'y year from now, Kids'll getter bill. Nuncle main' heller row - Nothin' in er till! Things'll go from bad to worsh Shix'y year ahead. I won't care a tinker's cursh! I'll (hic) I'll be dead.
I'm jush out to giver er boys Reel ole roarin' shpree. I'm er sorter bloke injoys Spen'in' money free. Plenny boodle in er till! Lerrer jag go on! Bloomin' kids'll foot the bill When we're deadengone.
Washer go'n' to 'ave, you shaps? Awrer washer please! I can borrer more (hic) p'raps When I've blewed all these. Playsh a bitter ragtime shoon! Never mind er shange! Nurrer lirrle loan I'll soon - Soon (hic) soon errange.
Fillemupagen! Wosh O! Mine's a lirrle glassh Reproduc (hic) worksh, yeh know - Shame uz I 'ad larsh. Flarsher reproduc (hic) works Good for tum (hic) stum - Stummick, when the beggar shirks. An' I'm feelin' rum.
Washer gooder gittin' sore? Pleeny cash erbout! Noo Sou' Wailsh ish pawned once more! I'sh my turn to shout! Lerrush spend while we're in luck - Nuncle mi' get sick! Mine'sh a re (hic) reproduc- (Shoose me, gem'men) (hic)!

The Bulletin, 16 April 1914, p7

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2004