Works in the Bulletin 1909

It has for some time been a well-kept secret in London society circles that King Edward's health has not been as good as his personal friends would wish. - Melbourne AGE.

Quick! - Quick!
His Majesty is sick
Hurry with the camomile and fetch a heated brick.
      He has got another spasm.
      'Tisn't often that he has 'em.
When he does he's touchy, and inclined to raise Old Nick.
But, care! 0, care!
Should a duke or baron dare
Tell the news below his station he'll be bowstringed then and there.

Hist! - Hist! The King has got a twist! There's a swelling of his fingers that have recently been kissed By some loyal princely nigger, And they're getting big and bigger, And we fear some black infection has attacked the royal fist. But see, 0 see, That 'tis whispered secretly; Or they'11 lynch the Lord Physician for allowing it to be.
Hush! Hush! Don't stand around and crush! The royal countenance is overspread with quite a flush. He is feeling rather worried, And his pulse is rather hurried, But we have to save the nation from a universal blush. Then mind, O mind! Shut the door and draw the blind. Let no lord or earl divulge it to the lesser human kind.
Ssh! Ssh! It is the royal wish That the populace must never know the King has eaten fish: Eaten largely of tinned salmon, With results (but we must gammon) - With results that make him sorry that he didn't pass the dish, And 0! 'Tis 0! If the populace should know, There would be an inundation when the tears began to flow.

The Bulletin, 20 May 1909, p11

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002