Works in the Bulletin 1914

Mr. H. McKenzie, M.L.A., has been visiting the Kyabram portion of his electorate. At a pig sale (our Kyabram correspondent reports) he met a number of friends and consituents, and was congratulated on his recovery. Before the sale Mr. McKenzie mounted the fence, and stated that he wished to contradict a rumor that he was retiring from public life. - Melbourne ARGUS.

Gentlemen! a politician,
One who values his position,
Stands, with easy confidence,
Here before you on the fence.
For he knows full well, good friends,
All your aims and all your ends;
And that these you may attain
He will strive with might and main.

Gentlemen! my sole ambition Is to see that your condition Shall continue to improve; Wherefore I shall shortly move For a special grant to buy Extra bedding for your sty - Force it from the Government For the folk I represent.
Gentlemen! You crave nutrition; And I hold my high position By your will and by your votes. Pollard you shall have, and oats! And I know you'll vote for me In elections yet to be, While I cater for your needs, Promising yet further feeds.
Gentlemen! The Opposition, By its frequent repetition Of base lies would have you think They'd increase your food and drink. Friends, their secret aim, I know, Is to cut your rations low, And, while they but sneer and scoff, It is we who fill your trough!
Gentlemen! This talk of "Nation" Is a vile abomination! You are asked to sacrifice Food and swill, and pay a price For a shibboleth like that! You are asked to give your fat That your children, by-and-bye, May possess a better sty!
Gentlemen! The aspiration To build up a mighty nation Is a question far too big For an ordinary pig. Truly, we don't care a damn, When we're bacon, pork or ham, What the fate of pigs may be. Let 'em root the same as we!
Gentlemen! This tortured question Gives you mental indigestion. Such vague things you do not heed. Food in plenty is your need. In my place in Parliament It is you I represent; And I'll face all vile affronts For your sakes! (Delighted grunts.)
Gentlemen! The proposition For the honest politician Is: "Can I secure more oats For the folk who give me votes? Can I fill their troughs, and give Mush to them, that I may live?" To that end he should employ All his art. (Loud squeals of joy.)
Gentlemen! A politician With my knowledge and position Knows full well that such as you Take the plain, right-thinking view; For himself each fatted pig, And for all the rest - a fig! Gentlemen, I greet your ranks, And accept your grunt of thanks.

The Bulletin, 26 March 1914, p30

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002-03