Works in the Bulletin 1913

Record of conversation between Messrs. C. E. Frazer and Agar Wynne, M's.P., on the latter taking over from the former in the office in Postmaster-General.

Mr. Frazer (to Mr. Wynne): there is no man on the other side of the House I could be more pleased to see here than you.

Mr. Wynne: And there is no one I more regret displacing than you. We have had a great friendship and regard for one another since we first met.

Mr. Frazer: Well, I am out, and you are in, and I am not going to cry over it. I am very, very pleased to see you here. - Melbourne AGE.

Scene: Inner sanctum of P.M.G.'s Department.

Characters: Charles Edward Damon Frazer, Agar Pythias Wynne. An Unimportant Clerk (in the background).
CHARLES: So, brother, I am out and yu are in. Farewell, farewell, to all my splendor bright! Yet, just to know 'tis you, dear Agar Wynne, Tinges my melancholy with delight. Indeed, I find it very hard to go; Yet pleasure surely mingles with my woe.
Ay, you are in, and I am in - the soup! For me the shades; for you the favored place. Yet doth it cheer me when my spirits droop Just to behold yur ever welcome face. Aside. (But by the gods, just give me half a show, The merest chance to kick, and out you go!)
AGAR: Sweet Frazer, though I ill disguise my joy In winning thus to fame, despite my foes; It pains me to the heart, my dear old boy, To think 'tis you whom I must so depose. Nay, but it brings the hot tears to mine eyes, To know that you must sink that I may rise.
Agar is in, and Charles is out, you say. 'Tis sure a cruel fortune wills it so. My joy is clouded o'er with grief to-day. Because, my dear old friend, you have to go. Aside. (But, give me strength, and I shall scheme and plan To keep you out for ever, if I can!)
CHARLES: Dear Agar, when I gaze into your eyes, Those kindly orbs whose depths so well I know, Nay, I am filled with wonder and surprise That I did not resign long years ago. For who is Charles, to hold a place on high, When such a man as Agar Wynne is by?
Indeed, the sorrow I so lately felt Has given place to purest joy alone: For now, at last, discerning Fate has dealt Bare justice, and you sit upon my throne. Aside. (But give me half a chance, that's all I crave; I'll dig with joy your Legislative grave!)
AGAR: Nay, rare Charles Edward, 'tis your blind regard For him you love prompts that unselfish speech. Ah, would that Fate - blind Fate, so doubly hard - Had never placed these sweets within my reach! If 'twere not for my Party, friend, I'd say, "Cleave you to office, Charles; I will away."
Forgive these tears; for mow my joy has flown. And in its stead comepangs of dull despair. Ah, could I but contrive, my friend, mine own! To yield you of my triumph en'en a share! Aside. (Now, by the Sacred Fuse, you've got the sack And I'll raise Cain to stop your gettingback.)
CHARLES: Agar! These tears are tears of sorrow rare! My past neglect of you brings keen regret.
AGAR: Dear Charles, if you've s kerchief you could spare, Pray lend it me. Mine own is sopping wet. Both, aside. (Now, having pulled his leg, I shall retire And, to confound him, with my friends conspire.)
Exit both, apparently in tears, but eyeing each other furtively from behind their respective handkerchiefs. UNIMPORTANT CLERK (Advancing): Well, spare my days! Of all the blessed guff! And if, next week, Wynne's out and Frazer's in. They'll probably dish up the same old stuff, While honest men can only stand and grin. More change! More toil! More worry for our sins! A plague on all their childish Outs and INs!
Now must we shed the Labor livery, And learn new manners in the Lib'ral school. And, mayhap, in a twelve-month we shall be Once more returned unto the Labor rule. Oh, that the gods would blast such tricks as these, And send this land Elective Ministries!
Bell rings. Exit. CURTAIN.

The Bulletin, 24 July 1913, p12

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2004