Works in the Bulletin 1909

I trust our deliberations will be characterised neither by niggling nor peddling, but by strong views and broad views. (Applause.) - ALFRED DEAKIN.

   Oh, my brothers do not wrangle.
   When the sweets of office dangle
   At a most inviting angle
         Be polite.
   In the legislative struggle,
   When in office safe you snuggle,
   Then to jangle or to juggle
         Isn't right.

And, O never, never niggle! Though the vulgar people giggle When they see a statesman wriggle To a place. And, I prithee, never niggle; With the man who stops to peddle, For the act upon his head'll Bring disgrace.
And we ought to take a broad, strong view. What's the matter if the prospect isn't new? There is virtue in the viewing. When it comes to merely doing, Well, it's really not important what you do. It's the view - Grand view! Never let the doing part embarrass you.
When in politics you dabble Then of course you'll have to babble, To the vote-possessing rabble - 'Tis the game. When you engineer a shuffle The ensuing party scuffle Somebody is sure to ruffle, All the same.
Then be wary; do not temble; Smile politely and dissemble, Though your actions do resemble Somersaults. When your legislative symbol Is the tricky pea and thimble Your manipulations nimble Are not faults.
But, I charge you, take a strong, broad view. It is most entrancing when you have the screw. There's no need to be exacting In the manner of your acting; 'Tis the statesman's motto when dissensions brew Watch the view - Wide view! And your story of the sight will see you through.
When a banquet you've to tackle Where the ancient chestnuts crackle, And you have to rise and cackle To your kind. Mayhap some hiccoughing freak'll Rise and, venturing to speak, 'll Mention you as "Misher Deakle," Never mind.
Let your honeyed phrases trickle, And defend the Fusion pickle; Show them that you are not fickle In the least. Say that, why we do not muzzle Labor members is a puzzle; And they'll cheer you as they guzzle At the feast.
And bid them take a broad, strong view. Bid them see around both corners, same as you. You're the saviour of the nation At a mayoral celebration If you do not harp too much upon the "do." Praise the view - Grand view! And they vow you are a stateman strong and true.
With this popular preamble You may then adroitly amble To the shocking party scramble. Voice your fears. Tell them Labor's sure to stumble If it does not cease to grumble; And each alderman will mumble Glad "Hear, hears."
While the nuts they calmly nibble Let vague phrases gently dribble; Give them any quip or quibble. You're immense. But, ah prithee! do not trifle With a hint of acts; and stifle Any mention of a rifle Or defence.
For there's safety in the strong, brod view. The suppression of the hard, strong "do" Is a matter most essential When the Tory consequential Is the man you reckon on to see you thro'. Boost the view - Great view? And they'll all begin to think they see it too.
Budding statesmen, there is muckle In the View when you've to truckle To the crowd that will not buckle Into graft. When your policy's a muddle, And you're sailing in a puddle With a Fusion crowd that huddle On a raft;
Talk in vague, unmeaning jingle; For the crowd with which you mingle Holds within it scarce a single One who'll work. Here, where HANSARD's pages rustle, Three a show of rush and bustle, But there's ne'er a chance to hustle; You must shirk.
Keep your eye upon the broad, strong view. Call the crowd's attention to it till you're blue. Keep them watching intently, And you can con-ven-i-ently Hate the fact that you hvae nothing much to do. Praise the view - Fine view! And they may forget to keep an eye on you.

The Bulletin, 2 September 1909, p39

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002