See, I'm writin' to Mick as a bloke to a bloke -
   To a cobber o' mine at the front -
An' I'm gittin' full up uv the mullock they poke
   At the cove that is bearin' the brunt.
Fer 'e mus'n't do this an' 'e shouldn't do that,
   An' 'e's crook if 'e looks a bit shick,
An' 'e's gittin' too uppish, an' don't touch 'is 'at -
   But 'ere's 'ow I puts it to Mick.

Now it's dickin to style if yer playin' the game. If it's marbles, or shinty, or war; I've seen 'em lob 'ome 'ere, the 'alt an' the lame, That wus fine 'efty fellers before. They wus toughs, they wus crooks, they wus ev'ry bad thing, But they mixed it as gentlemen should. So 'ere's to the coot wiv 'is eye in a sling, An' a smile in the one that is good.
It wus playin' the game in the oval an' ring - An' playin' fer orl it wus worth - That give 'em the knack uv a punch wiv a sting When they fought fer the land uv their birth. They wus pebs, they wus narks, they wus reel naughty boys, But they didn't need no second 'int, So ere's to the bloke wiv 'is swearin' an' noise, An' 'is foot in a fathom uv lint.
There wus fellers I knoo in the soft days uv peace; An' I didn't know much to their good; An' they give more 'ard graft to the overworked p'leece Than a reel puffick gentleman should. They wus lookin' fer lash long before it wus doo; When it come, they wus into it, straight. So 'ere's to the bloke wiv 'is shoulder shot thro' 'Oo is cursin' the days 'e's to wait.
Ar, dickin to swank! when it comes to a mill, It's the bloke wiv a punch 'oo's yer friend. An' a coarse, narsty man wiv the moniker Bill Earns the thanks uv the crowd in the end. (An' when I sez "earns" I am 'opin' no stint Will be charged agin us by-an'-bye.) So 'ere's to the boy wiv 'is arm in a splint An' a "don't-care-a-dam" in 'is eye.
'Cos the fightin's too far fer to give us a grip Of the 'ell full uv slaughter an' noise, There's a breed that gives me the particular pip Be the way that they torks uv the boys. 0, they're coarse, an' they're rude, an' it's awful to liv Wiv their cursin' an' shoutin' an' fuss. Dam it! 'Ere's to the bloke wiv the bad-lookin' chiv That 'e poked inter trouble fer us!
0, it's dead agin etikit, dead agin style Fer to swear an' to swagger an' skite; But a battle ain't won wiv a drorin'-room smile, An' yeh 'ave to be rude in a fight. An' it's bein' reel rude to enemy blokes That'll earn yeh that 'ero-like touch, So 'ere's to the boy wiv 'is curses an' jokes 'Oo is 'oppin' about on a crutch.
Now, the Turk is a gent, an' they greets 'im as such, An' they gives doo respect to 'is Nibs; But 'e never 'eld orf to apolergise much When 'e slid 'is cold steel in their ribs. An' our boys won the name that they give 'em of late 'Cos they fought like a jugful uv crooks, So 'ere's to the bloke wiv the swaggerin' gait An' a bullet mark spoilin' 'is looks.
So, the bloke wiv the scoff, an' the bloke wiv the sneer, An' the coot wiv the sensitive soul, 'E 'as got to sit back, an' jist change 'is idear Uv the stuffin' that makes a man whole. Fer the polish an' gilt that's a win wiv the skirts It wears thin wiv the friction uv war. So 'ere's to the cove 'oo is nursin' 'is 'urts Wiv an oath in the set uv 'is jor.
When yeh've stripped a cove clean an' got down to the buff Yeh come to the meat that's the man. If yeh want to find grit an' sich similar stuff, Yeh've to strip on a similar plan. Fer there's nothin' like scrappin' to bare a man's soul, If it's Billo, or Percy, or Gus. So 'ere's to the bloke 'oo 'ops round on a pole An' 'owls songs goin' 'ome on the bus.
Spare me days! When a bloke takes the count in a scrap That 'e's fightin' fer you an' fer me, Is it fair that a snob 'as the nerve fer to snout Any swad 'cos 'is manners is free? They're deservin' our thanks, frum the best to the worst - An' there's some is reel rorty, I own - But 'ere's to the coot wiv the 'ang-over thirst 'Oo sprags a stray toff fer a loan.
So I'm writin' to Mick; an' I'm feelin' reel wet Wiv the sort o' superior nark, 'Oo tilts up 'is conk an' gits orl the boys set, 'Oo are out fer a bit uv a lark. So I puts it to Mick, as I sez when I starts, An' I ends wiv the solemest toast: 'Ere's to 'im - (raise yer glass) - 'oo left pride in our 'earts An' 'is bones on Gallipoli coast.

Originally published in The Bulletin 23 March 1916, p6.

Copyright © Perry Middlemiss 2002